Lord, grant me restoration.

I wanted to take the time to share some thoughts with whomever might read this and just say that I am feeling spiritually worn out -- much like I have been taken to the woodshed and back several times. Over the past few weeks I have been reading the book "Courageous Leadership" (by Bill Hybels) and to be honest with you, I needed this book in my ministry 3 years ago. The concepts of church leadership and how to cast a vision that allows a church to grab on is so much more than just a sermon series and hoping/praying that it takes hold. Now, many know about the issues I went through and how defeated I felt, well, I think that cloud is finally lifting (praise the Lord) nearly a year later. Truly "joy comes in the morning" (see Psalm 30:5), but it is by God's calendar and not my own.

The prayer of my heart is that as a servant of Christ I would be restored to the pulpit only AFTER learning more about being an effective leader. I'm hungry, no, let me correct that ... I'm DESPERATELY starving for the Lord's teaching right now. Naturally, I have been asking myself "how can this be done"? The only answer that I can come up with is that it is done by WATCHING other successful leaders "do the stuff". It seems elementary of course, but as a man I have to admit that I don't have all the answers. Am I filled with pride and stuffiness? Admittedly yes, but thankfully Jesus is not done with me. The cry of my soul is that through the Holy Spirit I would be granted a clear vision of what it takes to lead a church, and allow God to work through me as a willing vessel, vice trying to lead and hoping God will bless it. I confess that sort of thinking is not only idiotic; it is un-biblical and will never work.

Psalm 127:1 says, "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."

Summarized, it takes the Lord's leading and guidance FIRST in order for anything to happen; and I want to see this verse become a reality in my life. My desire is to have a new heart created in me that brings to my life a vision for the lost of this world; and an understanding that THE CHURCH IS THE ONLY HOPE THIS WORLD WILL EVER HAVE. It's not about the church building, but the church body which lives its life in complete servanthood to the authority of Jesus Christ.

Lord, as I sit in this hotel room tonight I want to meet you, I want to experience you, and I want to see you manifested more in my life. Grant me a willing heart, strengthen my spirit, and allow me to live the rest of my life serving You in what you have called me to do. This is my prayer. This is the cry of my heart. This is my desire.

Thank you for reading.